WELCOME
Coming up with a ceremony that reflected usโour personalities, our families, our mesorahโwas an intense part of wedding planning. Below, we've tried to give some context and details on how our wedding went down.
You can download a copy of the pamphlet distributed at our chuppah here.
Skip to: Thank You / Explanation / Brit Ahuvim & Kinyan / Text of Brit / Im Eshkakhech / Wedding Speeches
Special thank you to Tracy Jade Photography and Matt Koza for all the photography and videography below.
WEDDING VIDEO
CHUPPAH VIDEO
THANK YOU
ืงืืื ืชื ืืื ืืืกืืื ืืืื ืืืืช ืืฉืจ ืขืฉืืช ืืช ืขืืื (ืืจืืฉืืช ืื:ืื)
I am unworthy of all the kindness that you have steadfastly done for your servant (Genesis 32:11)
We were both born into incredibly lucky lives. We did nothing to earn all the good that we were gifted and we are blessed beyond measure to be surrounded today by the people who make us feel so lucky:
Our friends, who make us laugh, offer guidance and support, are sounding boards for ideas, who have grown up with us through the awkwardness of middle school up to the glow ups we've reached today, and have made us kinder and more thoughtful than we could have knownโwe love you.
Our siblings: Gabriela, Zev, Noam, and Kobi, who are not just our family but roommates, advisors, thought partners, confidantes, and best friends. You have been there for us through everything. We couldnโt have asked for anyone better.
Our siblings-in-law, Max and Brenda, who have brought joy to our siblingsโ lives, to our lives, and made our families more complete.
Our aunts, uncles, first cousins, second cousins, and extended families, who show us that family goes further than anyone could imagine. You are the bedrock of our lives.
Our grandparents, Florence and Joseph Appleman amu"sh, Belda Kaufman Lindenbaum zโl and Marcel Lindenbaum zโl, Irene Lerner zโl and Jacob Moshief zโl, and Nettie zโl and David zโl Tilevitz, who built the families and communities in which we grew up. Thank you for passing to us the richness of your passions and pride in our history. Each day we spent and continue to spend with you is an unimaginable blessing.
Every person who worked for love like ours to be embraced so that we can celebrate today with full heartsโthank you. This is the result of years of effort from countless people, and it made a difference.
And finally our parents, who have blessed us ืืื, from everything, and ืืื, with everything. Words will never be enough. Thank you for always making your love for us so clear.
It is the greatest blessing of our life to be able to share happiness with all of you. Thank you for being part our simcha and our lives.
With immense gratitude and boundless love,
Tamar & Sabina
EXPLANATION
Tisch & T'naim
Sabina and Tamar will start the wedding at a tisch (table), where weโll sing, greet guests, and give dvrei Torah.
Before the chuppah, we'll dance with family and friends towards a rock, which is symbolic of longstanding promises in the Torah, and sign our t'naim (premarital agreements) and brit ahuvim (lovers' covenant). Our parents will break a plateโa sign of the irreparable change about to take placeโand bentsch (bless) their new child-in-law.
This replaced the traditional bedeken. We wanted a moment of communal singing and excitement around us seeing each other, and used the tโnaim signing to do that. We got to dance on the rock, which was pretty cool.
Zev Lindenbaum explained what was going to happen, and Rabbi Adam Mintz and Sarah Myers signed our brit. Leah Slaten and Daphna Varadi signed our tnaim.
Chuppah
The chuppah symbolizes the home that we'll build together: open on all sides and covered by two significant pieces of fabric, Tamar's grandmother's tallit (on loan from Nava Feder) and Sabina's grandmother's silk painting. Both of us were shaped by our grandmothers and feel especially lucky to have our chuppah covered by representations of their lifelong passions. Our chuppah was handmade by our brilliant friend Avi Schwarzschild. After our wedding, Avi cut our chuppah into batei mezuzot (mezuzah cases) for us, so we can use this first home in our homes to come.
Since the chuppah is representative of our home, we wanted to come into it together and not have one person wait for the other inside of it. Instead of walking down the aisle, we walked towards the chuppah at the same time, from different sides.
Under the chuppah, our parents will help us put on kittels and bentsch us. Kittels are simple, white garments without pockets specifically worn on Yom Kippur. The Gemara says that the wedding day is a personal Yom Kippur for the couple. Wearing kittels takes the focus off the material, outer nature and brings us to the deeper level, serving as both memento mori and a symbol of the purity and rebirth of this day.
Our chuppah does not have a main officiant. We have invited a number of loved ones to participate by reading or framing parts of our ceremony. Together, all of the people who are there will be part of officiating our brit.
PROCESSION
Florence & Joseph Appleman
Gabriela Tilevitz & Max Levine
Zev & Brenda Lindenbaum
Noam Lindenbaum & Kobi Lindenbaum
Sabina,
accompanied by their parents
Rebecca Moshief & Harris Tilevitz
Tamar,
accompanied by their parents
Shari & Nathan Lindenbaum
Tamar and Sabina's family walked down to this song:
ืื ืงืืง ื ืกืชืจ ืืฆืืงืื / In a crevice hidden between cliffs
ืืืืื ืฉืืชื ืืื / A doe is drinking water
ืื ืื ืืื / What of she and I
ืืื ืฆืืงื ืืืื / But the cliffs of my heart
ืืื ืืขืื ืืื / But the spring of my life
ืืื ืื ืกืชืจ / But the hidden
ืืืืื / Doe
ืื ืื ืืื / What to me and her
ืืื ืืืืชื / But my love
ืืื ื ืืืื / Yona Wallach
Tamar and Sabina walked down with their parents to this song:
ื ืคืฉื ืืืื ืืฆื ืืืื / My soul covets the shadow of your hand
ืืืขืช ืื ืจื ืกืืืื / To know your secrets
ืืขืจื ื ื ืฉืืื ืขืืื / Let my words be sweet to you
ืื ื ืคืฉื ืชืขืจืื ืืืื / For my soul yearns for you
BRIT AHUVIM & KINYAN
Overview of Shutafut
The Hebrew word for partnership, shutafut, is used in some of the Palestinian ketubbot (marriage contracts) found in the Cairo Geniza, a repository of hundreds of thousands of Jewish documents dating back to 870 CE. Shutafut is also a term used to describe legal business partnerships, especially those of joint ventures.
The partners in the venture commit to a set of t'naim (provisions). Then, by jointly investing valuable property and lifting it upโa fundamental way of changing status in halakha (Jewish law)โthe partners become halakhically responsible for and beneficiaries of the provisions of the partnership. This is called kinyan l'hatil b'kis, acquisition by lifting in a bag.
In our brit ahuvim (loversโ covenant), we have outlined twelve t'naim, setting a standard for our partnership and life. We will call up loved ones read these t'naim. We'll each contribute valuable property (plain gold rings) to a bag and have witnesses verify the individual ownership of the property. Finally, we'll lift the bag together, becoming partners in this venture.
Explanation of the Kinyan
Explained by Judy Heicklen and Miriam Lichtenberg
In Jewish Law, kinyan is the act whereby a person voluntarily obtains legal rights. Its literal meaning is โacquisitionโ and the concept stretches back to the very first child born into the world. Eve names him โCainโ from the word โkinyanโ as she says, โI have acquired a man with Godโ (Genesis 4:1).
From that beginning, through the Bible, Mishna, Gemara, and the later sages, the legal ramifications of acquisition are delineated and debated: how to do it, the different kinds of kinyanim for different kinds of property and services, who can do it. In general, to be effective, the kinyan requires some physical manifestation that it is happeningโlifting, pulling, paying, writing a deed, or exchanging goods.
In a wedding with kiddushin, the kinyan in that case is effected by kinyan chalifin, an acquisition by exchange, which historically had been done using a handkerchief (kinyan sudar). Handkerchiefs being less common these days, people use pens or iPhones to effect the kinyan at a wedding.
By choosing Brit Ahuvim, Sabina and Tamar have chosen to build their future on the model of shutafut, which means partnership. โPartnershipโ is used to describe whenever any two (or more) people want to go into business together or own joint property. In order to create this joint venture, they too must enact a kinyan. The Rambam explains the conditions required to set up a partnership in the Yad Chazaka, Hilchot Shluchin vโShutafin 4:1. To create this partnership Tamar and Sabina will each contribute something to it, in this case literally into a pouch, which we will serve as witnesses for, and then raise the pouch together โlโhatil bโkisโ. Raising their joint property together enacts the kinyan, the acquisition. Each partner has invested into the partnership, has given from herself, to create something that now belongs to the two of them.
In Masechet Shabbat 63a it speaks of levels of charity:
.ืืืืจ ืจืื ืืื, ืืืจ ืจืื ืฉืืขืื ืื ืืงืืฉ, ืืืื ืืืืื ืืืชืจ ืื ืืขืืฉื ืฆืืงื. ืืืืื ืืืืก ืืืชืจ ืืืืื
Rabbi Abba said in the name of Rabbi Shimon ben Lakish: the one who lends to the needy is greater than the one who gives charity to them. And the one who โputs into the pouchโ, who partners with the needy, is greater than all others.
What does this mean? The person who partners with you, who trusts you, who pushes you, who supports you by having your back so that you can help yourself- that person, that partner, is operating at the highest level. As the two of you celebrate your brit ahuvim, we bless you both to support, to push, to trust, and to partner with each other.
SHTAR
ืืจืืฉืื ืืฉืืช, ื"ื ืืืฉืืื ื'ืชืฉืค"ื, ืืื ืืื ืฉืื ื ืืื ืื ืืื, ืงืืงืกืืงื ืฉืืืืื ืช ื ืื-ืืืจืง ืืืจืฆืืช ืืืจืืช, ืืคื ืื ื ืืช ืจืืงื ืืืืจื ืืฆืื ืืืจืฉ ืืืฉืคืืช ืืืฉืืืฃ ืืืืืืฅ, ืืชืืจ ืืื ื ืืช ืฉืขืจื ืคื ืื ื ืื ืชื ื ืืข ืืจืืืื ืืืฉืคืืช ืืคืืื ืืืื ืื ืืืื, ืืฆืืืจืืช ืืืืฉืจืืช ืืคื ื ืขืืื ืืช ืื ืืกืชื ืืืจืืช ืืืืืื ืืื ืืื, ืืื ืืื ืืืช ื ืืื ืืืฉืจืื.
ืืจืืช ืืืืืื ืื ืืื ืืจืืช ืงืืืฉ, ืึผืืจืืชืืช ืื ื ืขืื ื ืืงืื, ืืืื ื ืืจืชืช ืืืืื ื, ืืืขื ืืขืืื ืืขืื ืขื.
ืืื ืืจืืช ืืื ืกึฐืึธื, ืืงืืื ืืื ืขืช ืื ืกืืืืช, ืึทึผืืจืืช ืืฉืจ ืืงืื ืืงื"ื ืขื ื ื ืืฆืืฆืืื, ืืืชืื:
ืึฐืึธืึฐืชึธื ืึทืงึถึผืฉึถืืช ืึถึผืขึธื ึธื, ืึผืจึฐืึดืืชึดืืึธ ืึดืึฐืึนึผืจ ืึฐึผืจึดืืช ืขืึนืึธื ืึตึผืื ืึฑืึนืงืื ืึผืึตืื ืึธึผื ื ึถืคึถืฉื ืึทืึธึผื
(ืืจืืฉืืช ื,ืื)
ืืื ืืจืืช ืฉื ืืืฉืืืืช, ืื ืืจืชืช ืืชืงืืื ืฉืชืขืืื ืืืืจื ืืขึดืชึดืื, ืื ืืืจ:
ืึฐืึธืึทืจึฐืชึดึผื ืึฒื ึดื ืึถืชึพืึฐึผืจึดืืชึดื ืืึนืชึธืึฐ ืึดึผืืึตื ื ึฐืขืึผืจึธืึดืึฐ ืึทืึฒืงึดืืืึนืชึดื ืึธืึฐ ืึฐึผืจึดืืช ืขืึนืึธื (ืืืืงืื ืื ,ืก)
ืืื ืืจืืช ืฉื ืืกืืจืืช ืืงืฉืืจืช ื ืคืฉืืช, ืึดึผืืจืืช ืืืื ืชื ืืืื, ืืืชืื:
ืึฐื ึถืคึถืฉื ืึฐืืึนื ึธืชึธื ื ึดืงึฐืฉึฐืืจึธื ืึฐึผื ึถืคึถืฉื ืึธึผืึดื ... ืึทืึดึผืึฐืจึนืช ืึฐืืึนื ึธืชึธื ืึฐืึธืึดื ืึฐึผืจึดืืช, ืึฐึผืึทืึฒืึธืชืึน ืึนืชืึน ืึฐึผื ึทืคึฐืฉืืึน.
(ืฉืืืื ื' ืื,ื-ื)
On Sunday, the 31st of October 2021, the 25th of Cheshvan 5782, according to the count we keep here in the city of Coxsackie, NY, Sabina Hanna, child of Rebecca Deborah and Harris Zvi of the Moshief and Tilevitz family, and Tamar Bina, child of Shari Penina and Nathan Jeremy of the Appleman and Lindenbaum family, declare and confirm in the presence of witnesses a loversโ covenant between them, to build a faithful home among the people of Israel.
This loversโ covenant is a holy covenant, based on Jewish covenants throughout time, made in faithfulness to stand for eternity.
It is a boundless covenant, kept in all times and circumstances, like the covenant God swore to Noah and his descendants, saying:
When the rainbow is in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures.
(Genesis 9, 16)
It is a covenant of continuity, made in hope to last through ages, as it says:
I will remember the covenant I made with you in the days of your youth, and I will establish it with you as an everlasting covenant. (Ezekiel 16, 60)
It is a covenant of devotion and joining souls, like the covenant David and Jonathan made, as it is said:
And Jonathan's very soul was bound up with the soul of David... Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as his own soul.
(Samuel 18, 1-3)
Tโnai 1
ืกืืื ื ืืชืืจ ืืฆืืืจืืช ืฉืืืจื ืื ืืช ืื ืืืืจืืช ืืืืื ืืืฉืื ืืชืืฉื ืืื ืืื, ืืคื ืฉืืืืืื ื ืจืืืชืื ื:
"ืืงื ื ืื ืืืจ. ืืืฆื? ืืืื ืฉืืงื ื ืืืื ืืืจ ืืขืฆืื, ืฉืืืื ืขืื, ืืืฉืชื ืขืื, ืืืงืจื ืขืื, ืืืฉื ื ืขืื, ืืืืฉื ืขืื, ืืืืื ืื ืื ืกืชืจืื โ ืกืชืจ ืชืืจื ืืกืชืจ ืืจื ืืจืฅ."
(ืืืืช ืืจืื ื ืชื ื ,ื)
Sabina and Tamar declare that they have chosen each other as companions in life, dedicated to unending conversation, as our rabbis teach:
โGet yourself a companion.โ This teaches that a person should get a companion, to eat with, to drink with, to study Torah with, to study Mishnah with, to sleep with, and to confide all one's secrets, secrets of Torah and secrets of the ways of the world.
(Avot D'Rabbi Natan 8, 3)
Tโnai 2
ืชืืจ ืืกืืื ื ืืืฉืจื ืืช ืืืืืืื ืืื ืืื ืืคืจืืื, ืืื ืฆืื ืืช ืืื ืืื ืืืืกืืฃ ืื ืืื, "ืืืื ืื ืืืช ืืช ืืืืก ืฉื ืืฉื ืืื, ืืื ืืฉืชืืช ืืืืก ืืืช" (ืืืื ื'ืืืจืื), ืืืืืจ ืืืืืึผืช ืฉื ืืฉื ืืื ืืคื ื ืขืฆืื, ืืืืื ืืืืืช ืืช ืืฉืคืข ืฉื
.ืึผืึนืกึดื ืจึฐืึธืึธื
(ืชืืืื ืื, ื)
Tamar and Sabina acknowledge their differences as individuals, and will use them to add to one another, to โfill each otherโs cup but drink not from one cupโ (Khalil Gibran), to recognize each otherโs fullness in their own right, and together experience the abundance of:
My cup runneth over.
(Psalms 23, 5)
Tโnai 3
ืชืืจ ืืกืืื ื ืืืงืืืช ืขื ืขืฆืื ืืืฆืืจ ืืื ืืื ืฉืืชืคืืช ืืืช, ืืงืืืช ืืืืืืช, ืื ืืืืช ืืืจืืืช ืืืฉืืชืืฃ ืืฉืืืื ืืืืจืืื ืืจืืื ืืื. ืืืฉืืืื ืืื ืื ืชืื ืื ื ืืืช ืฉืืืื ืืงึตื ืืืึดืคืึทื, ืคืชืื ืืื ื-ืืฉืคืื, ืืืจืื ืืืืจืืื, ืืื ืฉืืื ื ืืื ืืฉึถืืคึทืข ืื ื ืชืืจืื, ืืืชืื:
ืึฐืฉึธืืึทืึฐืชึธึผ ืึฐืืึพืึทืึผืึนื ืึฒืฉึถืืจ ื ึธืชึทืึพืึฐืึธ ื' ืึฑืึนืงืืึธ ืึผืึฐืึตืืชึถืึธ ืึทืชึธึผื ืึฐืึทืึตึผืึดื ืึฐืึทืึตึผืจ ืึฒืฉึถืืจ ืึฐึผืงึดืจึฐืึถึผืึธื
(ืืืจืื ืื, ืื)
Tamar and Sabina take it upon themselves to create a true partnership, sharing decision making, responsibility, and resources, both material and immaterial. They will use these resources to build a home that is a nest and a refuge, open to family, friends, and guests to share in the bounty in which they have been blessed, as it is written:
And you shall enjoy, together with the Levite and the sojourner in your midst, all the bounty that Hashem your God has given you and your household.
(Deuteronomy 26, 11)
Tโnai 4
ืชืืจ ืืกืืื ื ืืืืืืืช ืืืกื ืื ืืืช ืืฉื ืืื ืืืฉืจ, ืืืขืืจืจ ืื ืืช ืื ืืฆืืืง, ื ืืื ืจืืืข ืืื ืงืฉืื ืืืื-ืืื, ืืขืชืื ืฉื ืฉืืจื ืืื ืฉื ืชืืคืืืืช.
ืึธื ืึดืึธึผืึตื ืฉึฐืืืึนืง ืคึดึผืื ืึผ ืึผืึฐืฉืืึนื ึตื ืึผ ืจึดื ึธึผื
(ืชืืืื ืงืื)
Tamar and Sabina promise to bring each other joy and make each other laugh, through mundane, difficult, and extraordinary times.
Our mouths shall be filled with laughter, our tongues, with songs of joy.
(Psalms 126)
Tโnai 5
ืกืืื ื ืืชืืจ ืืืืฆืืช ืืช ืื ืืืืืืืช ืืืืืืืช ืืืืืช ืขื ืื ื-ืืื ื ืฉืืืื; ืืืืื ืืืืจึถืื, ืืึถืื, ืื ื ืืฉืคืืชื ืืืืจืืืช ืืืชืจ ืืงืืจืื ืฉื ืืฉื ืืื, ืืืื ืืืืืื ืืืชื ืืื ืฉืื.
"ืึดืฉึฐืืคึธึผืึธื ืฉึถืื ึดึผืึฐืึฐืขึธื - ื ึดืึฐืึฐืขึธื"
(ืืืงืืื ืืืืจ"ื ืกืดื, ื)
Sabina and Tamar adopt all the family rights and commitments that apply to spouses; to care for, respect, and love without bounds each otherโs parents, siblings, extended families, and loved ones.
A family that has blended together will stay blended.
(Lekutai Mehoran 69, 8)
Tโnai 6
ืกืืื ื ืืชืืจ ืืชืืืืืืช ืืืงืื ืืฉืคืื ืืจืึผืึทื ืฉื ืืืฉืคืืืช ืืืืืืืช ืืื ืืืื, ืืืืืื ืืช ืื ืืืืืื ืืื ืชืชืึธึผืจึถืื ื; ืืืืื ืึฐึผืจึทืึผืึผืช ืืืืืื; ืึฐืืึนืจึดืืฉื ืืื ืืช ืึฐืกืึนืจืึนืช ืืืจืืื ืืขืื; ืืืงืืช ืืืชื ืืจืฆืื ืืช, ืืื ืฉืืืืื "ืืืืืช ืื ืฉื ืืขืื ืืืืืช. ืืืื ืืืืืื ื ืืืืื ืืชืืื ืืื ืชืงืืืชื ื ืึทืขึธืชืื" (ืืื ืืฉ ืงืืจืฆ'ืืง), ืืืชืื:
ืึตืื ืึธืขืึนืึธื ืึดืชึฐืงึทืึตึผืื ืึถืึธึผื ืึดึผืฉึฐืืึดืื ืึถืึถื ืชึดึผืื ืึนืงืึนืช
(ืืืื ืฉืืช ืงืื.)
Sabina and Tamar commit to creating a family in the spirit of the families in which they were raised, and to love all children with whom they may be blessed, rearing them with tenderness and respect, endowing them with the traditions of their parents and people, and taking them seriously so that they may grow โinto whomever they were meant to be. The unknown person inside of them is our hope for the futureโ (Janusz Korczak). As it is written:
The world remains but for the breath of babes.
(Talmud Bavli Shabbat)
Tโnai 7
ืชืืจ ืืกืืื ื ืชืืืื ื ืื ืืช ืื, ืืืฉืจ ืงื ืืืืจ ืืืืฉืจ ืื ืื, ืืืกืืื ืื ืืื ืืื ืืื ืืืฉืจ ืึธืขึทืืึผ. ืื ืืืช ืชืขืืื ืืช ืืฉื ืืื ืืึทืชืึตืจ ืืช ืขืฆืื, ืืชืชืืื ืื ืืืืฉืืื ืืช ืืืืฆืืืืช, ืืืชืื:
ืืึนืึดืื ืึทืฉึฐึผืื ึทืึดื ืึดื ืึธืึถืึธื, ืึฒืฉึถืืจ ืึตืฉื ืึธืึถื ืฉึธืืึธืจ ืืึนื ืึทึผืขึฒืึธืึธื. ืึดึผื ืึดื ืึดืคึนึผืืึผ, ืึธืึถืึธื ืึธืงึดืื ืึถืช ืึฒืึตืจื.
(ืงืืืช ื,ื-ื)
Tamar and Sabina will respect each other, when it is easy and when it is not, and will forgive each other with full hearts when they have stumbled. Each will encourage the other to challenge themself and will support them through failures and successes, as it is written:
Two are better off than one, for they have a good reward from their efforts. For should they fall, one can lift the other.
(Ecclesiastes 4, 10)
Tโnai 8
ืกืืื ื ืืชืืจ ืืงืืืฉืืช ืขืฆืื ืืืืคืืฉ ืืืชื-ืคืืกืง ืฉื ืืืช ืืืฉืืขืืช ืืืืืื, ืืึถืงึถืจ ืึผืฉึฐืืึดืืึทืช ืฉืืืืช, ืึฐึผืึดืชืึทืงืึผืช ืึทืึทืจ ืคึฐึผืึดืืึธื ืืืืืึผื ืึดืชืึทืฉืืื.
ืึฒืคึนืึฐ ืึธึผืึผ ืึทืึฒืคึนืึฐ ืึธึผืึผ, ืึฐึผืึนืึธึผื ืึธื.
(ืืืืช ื,ืื)
Sabina and Tamar commit to an ongoing search for truth and meaning within their lives, exploring and questioning, seeking radical amazement and continuous revelation.
Search in it and search in it, for everything is in it.
(Pirkei Avot 5, 22)
Tโnai 9
ืกืืื ื ืืชืืจ ืืงืืืฉืืช ืขืฆืื ืืจืืืคืช ืฆืืง ืืืฉืคืื ืืืืืืช, ืืืืชืืกืจ ืืื ืืืืืช ืงืืืืชื ืืชืงื ืขืืื ืืืขื ืื ืื, ืืืืฉืืช ืื ืืืื:
ืึฐืึดืึทึผื ืึทึผืึทึผืึดื ืึดืฉึฐืืคึธึผื ืึผืฆึฐืึธืงึธื ืึฐึผื ึทืึทื ืึตืืชึธื.
(ืขืืืก ื,ืื)
Sabina and Tamar pledge themselves to the pursuit of righteousness as a Jewish family, and to work together toward the communal task of building a better world for all creatures, bringing to fruition the prophecy:
Let justice roll down like water, righteousness like a mighty stream.
(Amos 5, 24)
Tโnai 10
ืชืืจ ืืกืืื ื ืืชืืืืืืช ืืืืืช ืฉืืชืคืืช ืืืจื ืืืกืขืืื ืืืึทืจืคึทึผืชืงึธืืึนืชึตืืื ืืืืื ืืืืื, ืชืืืื ืืจืื ืืื ืฉืชืืืื, ืึทึผืืฆืืจื:
ืึถื ืึฒืฉึถืืจ ืชึตึผืึฐืึดื ืึตืึตืึฐ, ืึผืึทืึฒืฉึถืืจ ืชึธึผืึดืื ึดื ืึธืึดืื; ืขึทืึตึผืึฐ ืขึทืึดึผื, ืึตืืึนืงืึดืึฐ ืึฑืึนืงื. ืึทึผืึฒืฉึถืืจ ืชึธึผืืึผืชึดื ืึธืืึผืช, ืึฐืฉึธืื ืึถืงึธึผืึตืจ.
(ืจืืช ื,ืื-ืื)
Tamar and Sabina commit to be faithful sojourners in their travels and adventures through life, no matter where the road may lead, holding by the principles of
For wherever you go, I will go; wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried.
(Ruth 1:16-17)
Tโnai 11
ืกืืื ื ืืชืืจ ืืชืืืืืืช ืื ืืืช ืืกืืืข ืืฉื ืืื ืื ืึนืึธื ืืืืช, ืขื-ืืื ื ืืืืืช ื ืืื ื ืืขืืื ื ืืฆืืื ืฉื ืืืืืชื ืขื ืฆืืช ื ืฉืืชื, ืืื ืื ืฆืืจ ืึผืึฐืึทื ึฐืึดึผืืึท ืืช ืื, ืืืืฉืืช:
ืฉึดืืืึตื ึดื ืึทืืึนืชึธื ืขึทื ืึดืึถึผืึธ, ืึทึผืืึนืชึธื ืขึทื ืึฐืจืึนืขึถืึธ, ืึดึผื ืขึทืึธึผื ืึทืึธึผืึถืช ืึทืึฒืึธื.
(ืฉืืจ ืืฉืืจืื ื, ื)
Sabina and Tamar pledge that one will help the other through their time of dying, by tender, faithful presence until the end, and then keep the spirit of the departed present, fulfilling:
Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is stronger than death.
(Song of Songs 8, 6)
Tโnai 12
ืชืืจ ืืกืืื ื ืืืืื ืืช ืืืืืืชื ืืงืืื ืืจืืช ืื ืขื ืื ืชื ืืื, ืืืช ืจืืื, ืื ืื ืึฐืขึดืชึดืื ืชืืืฉืื ื. "ืฉืืืืช ืืื ื ืชืืฆืืช ืืชืืกืจืืช ืืขืืืคื ืืขืืืื ืงืฉื." (ืืจืกื ืืื ืื ืืืื)
.ืึนืึพื ึดืคึฐืึตืืช ืึดืื ืึดืึฐึผืึธ ืึฐืึนื ืจึฐืึนืงึธื ืึดืื ... ืึดึผืึพืงึธืจืึนื ืึตืึถืืึธ ืึทืึธึผืึธืจ ืึฐืึนื ืึฐึผืคึดืืึธ ืึผืึดืึฐืึธืึฐืึธ ืึทืขึฒืฉึนืืชืึนื
(ืืืจืื ื,ืื-ืื)
Tamar and Sabina believe in their ability to uphold the provisions and the spirit of this covenant, even if they fail at times. "Perfection is the product of commitment surrounded by hard work" (Marcel Lindenbaum).
It is not too wondrous for you nor is it distant... for it is very close to you, in your mouth and in your heart, to do it.
(Deuteronomy 30, 11-14)
IM ESHKAKHECH
The ceremony will end with the singing of Im eshkakhech ("If I forget thee") and the breaking of a glass, to represent that even in our moments of deepest joy, we remember the brokenness of the world.
Im eshkakhech speaks about the importance of memory and brokenness, but also the importance of joy. We are told to not only remember Jerusalem, but also to place Jerusalem and our memories of it among our crown joys. In this moment, there are quite a few people who we don't want to forget.
Our grandparents who are not hereโBelda Kaufman Lindenbaum and Marcel Lindenbaum, Irene Lerner, Jacob Moshief, and Nettie and David Tilevitzโalways made it clear that we were their crown joy. They brought an incredible amount of art, celebration, thought, questioning, and joy into our life. They modeled for us struggle and success, love and loss. We miss them and pray that as we continue to grow, we take from the best of the bounty they left us, and keep our memories of them as among our chief joys.
ืึดื-ืึถืฉึฐืืึธึผืึตืึฐ ืึฐืจืึผืฉึธืืึดึธื--
ืชึดึผืฉึฐืืึทึผื ืึฐืึดืื ึดื.
ืชึดึผืึฐืึทึผืง-ืึฐืฉืืึนื ึดื, ืึฐืึดืึดึผื--
ืึดื-ืึนื ืึถืึฐืึฐึผืจึตืึดื:
ืึดื-ืึนื ืึทืขึฒืึถื, ืึถืช-ืึฐืจืึผืฉึธืืึดึทื--
ืขึทื, ืจึนืืฉื ืฉึดืืึฐืึธืชึดื.
If I forget thee, Oh Jerusalem
Let me forget my right hand
Let my tongue cleave to my mouth
f I remember thee not;
If I set not Jerusalem
above my chiefest joy.
THANK YOU
Creating a meaningful chuppah for today, one grounded in mesorah and elevated to our reality, took knowledge, creativity, and thought. We are thankful to the many people and resources to whom we turned, mainly:
Our teacher and friend Judy Heicklen, who continually inspires us and many more people with her commitment to halakha and her serious, kind, and inclusive way of approaching all creatures.
Rabbi Rachel Adler, who researched shutafut and created the original ceremony for a brit ahuvim.
Our translator, our uncle Mordy Kehat who rendered our brit so beautifully in Hebrew that we translated much of what he wrote back into English.
Our cousin, Shai Lavi-Kehat, who served as an additional editor and thought partner.
Our incredible photographer, Tracy Jade Photography.